Help will always be given to those who ask for it. I’ve always prized myself on my ability to turn a phrase. Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it. But I would in this case amend my original statement to this; Help will always be given to those who deserve it.
Do not pity the dead, pity the living.
I have been unsuccessfully trying to change my blog address for at least a week now, and everyday I try it says, “check back in a few days.” Please, WordPress, define what your meaning of “a few days” is, because if it was up to my standards I’d be sittin’ pretty with a new blog address by now.
I’ve been sick for a while, longer than I can remember. It probably didn’t help that Saturday night was a night of drunkenly running around our chilly city going from party to party. My crazy ass friends and I danced with some cowboys and what looked like a basketball player and some supermen. Some costumes were absolutely ridiculous. There was an angry bird, a blunt, and a couple of slutty transvestite teachers. Everyone I met that night thought that I was my twenty three year old sister, which is cool I guess. After taking so many jello shots that I couldn’t even keep count, kissing all three of my best friends, and being hit on by every single guy who was at my party, I decided to crash out at 2:30 but lied awake in my bed for hours instead, waiting for the intense bass of our party music to stop shaking my walls.
I think I’ve hit somewhat of a plateau…but I’m doing alright.
I’ve been feeling drained, and unmotivated. Tired…and sick. I’m sure it’s a number of things, but mostly I think it’s because I know that it’s over for good – no matter what I thought it was or where it wasn’t going or the fact that i’ve managed to complete two giant circles in the same gosh freaking darn situation.
I’m so tired. I want to say that whatever happened or didn’t happen doesn’t affect me much at all, and that in the end I am tired and drained and unmotivated because I have November fever, and Thanksgiving is almost here, and the leaves are falling, and it’s too crisp and chilly outside now in the morning to want to take a leisurely walk with my little puppy Sampson…so now I turn him around in the middle of the road and he can’t understand why we can’t just go down all the way to the end of the street as we used to. There’s a Mexican restaurant around the corner and whenever my little puppy goes past it bouncing around like a baby, all the people in the restaurant stare. Sampson has no idea and frolicks by, and when a wind blows up a dried up leaf he gets super freaking excited and tries to catch it.
Sometimes, I just want to be him.
The tension between us is building up. At first it was slow, but now it’s non stop. When was the last time we really hung out? Four, five weeks ago? What happened to my best friend who I saw every single day of summer? What happened to the closeness of our group? You’ve changed, and not in a good way. When was the last time you went a week without getting high? A day? I bet you can’t remember. I’m tired of you being “so fucking high” every time I see you. And it makes me feel sick how much of a bad influence your new best friend is. I guess the worst part about it is that you can’t even see what he’s turning you into. When was the last time we had a good conversation? Months ago. I can’t even look at you anymore. I mean, I understand that you enjoy being high, almost everyone these days does, but is it really so important to you that you need to ignore your true friends? The friends that actually care about you, the ones who aren’t just using you to get fucked up with? You have been nothing but rude to us lately. Short answers, attitude. What have we done to you to deserve this? We used to be so close, best fucking friends. Now we don’t even say hi when we pass each other at school. You probably don’t even realize that this is all happening. I don’t understand how you can one day be so happy to see me, and the next not even answer my phone calls. And even when you do answer my calls, what’s the point? You’re always with your new best friend, and you always end up hanging up on me anyway. I miss you, I really do. I just wish you had realized how good this friendship was before you ruined it. Can’t you see the person that you’ve turned into? Can’t you see the tension between us? Can’t you feel it?
I am literally still in such shock that I don’t even know what to say about this, so I guess I’ll just tell the story.
While walking home from spending the evening with my sister in down town Coeur D’Alene, Idaho, we decided to take the quickest way we knew how to get back to the house, which was through a neighborhood that neither of us knew much about. Before we left the house a couple hours before, we got the standard “stick together, don’t let your sister out of your sight” speech from our parents. Being physically fit and in shape 16 and 22 year old girls, we hardly thought we would need to follow that advice, especially because it was still light outside by the time we were headed home. Having walked home from being down town earlier in the day, I decided to j-walk across the street early to avoid having to wait for passing cars at the cross walk like I had to before. Ashlynn was just going to wait, but for some reason decided to cross about 10 seconds after I did. Once we got to the intersection, we turned left to walk to our street while a man was walking in the same direction behind us from the opposite corner. He was walking abnormally fast and was starting to gain on us and before we knew it, he was only 4 feet behind us at the most. We decided to j-walk across that street to avoid having to wait at the crosswalk with him, but once we were in the middle of the street we heard him say, “Ladies, excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, ladies.” We ignored him and kept walking, but after remembering how the zipper on my bag had broken earlier causing everything to fall out, I decided to look over my shoulder because I thought he might have been trying to return something I had dropped. WRONG. He had his fucking dick out of his pants. Keep in mind, it’s still light outside and we were on a fairly busy street. And this guy wasn’t young, either. I’d have to say at least 50 years old. I was so shocked that I didn’t even know if I was seeing correctly, and after muttering “are you kidding me?,” Ashlynn turned around and saw him, too. We decided to just start walking faster, in fear of him trying to chase us if we started to run. He turned around and walked the other way, but we still took sidestreets and alleyways back to our house in fear of him seeing where we lived.
I know enough about people to know that normal humans don’t do shit like that. That is exactly the kind of disgusting, perverted shit that rapists and molesters do. What if I had been alone? What if my sister hadn’t decided to j-walk across that first street with me? It could have been so easy for that man to grab either of us. After telling my uncle the story once we were home, he drove us back to the spot where it happened to see if the man was still there waiting to target his next victim, but we didn’t see him. I wish I had the balls to say something to him in the moment, but I was just speechless. Maybe if I had gotten a picture of him I could have called the police and told them to look out for him, I probably should have called the cops anyway, but I didn’t get a good enough look at him to be able to even describe the man correctly. I guess I’m just happy that nothing more drastic happened and that both my sister and I are safe. The man clearly targeted us, two young girls walking alone, and the situation could have ended much, much worse.
What would you have done if you were in my position?
