&%@#

FUCK soccer. FUCK dumb ass bitches. FUCK people who treat you like shit because they think they’re better than you. FUCK my asshole of a coach. FUCK school. FUCK my family when they keep bugging me when all I want is to be left alone. FUCK being in shitty moods. FUCK chapped lips. FUCK nosy people that try to make me tell them things when I obviously don’t want to talk about it. FUCK people not being able to take a hint. FUCK when your friendship with someone gets weird because they start to develop feelings and they aren’t mutual. FUCK when the person you like doesn’t like you back. FUCK stressing out about a formal date. FUCK people who break promises. FUCK “friends” who keep trying to start pointless drama. FUCK fake people. FUCK not being able to go on my graduation trip because something stupid came up. FUCK MY LIFE. I’d rather be dead.

Did you know?

Did you know that after you die, your hair keeps growing? And your nails? And when you sneeze your heart stops for a millisecond? Did you know that every time I kissed him all I saw was you? Cheetahs are the fastest land animals? And know every time you called I had to lock myself in the bathroom to stop myself from answering? And that the only thing I ever loved more than you was you loving me? But I guess I loved to hate myself more. Because every time I breathed without you, it burned me. And whenever I said anything I had to bite my tongue to stop saying your name. And hurting was easier, easier than saying you were wrong. You were never wrong. Well, you were wrong. Wrong to believe I stopped loving you and wrong to keep loving me. Did you know that after seven years all the cells in your body are different? And now there’s nothing left in me of the little girl you fell in love with. And you were wrong when you said I was beautiful, when you said I was perfect. Because when you love something, you have a weakness. Can’t be perfect if you’re weak. So I guess you were wrong about that, too.

Maybe…

Not Like the Movies.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so aware of the fact that I’m alone. Every single close friend of mine is in a relationship, and all of them have the most amazing boyfriends. Don’t get me wrong, I like all of them and they’re all really great guys, but I want to slap every single one of them across the face for making me have these false hopes and expectations to be in a relationship like theirs, to have a boyfriend who will treat me like they treat my friends. I’m not new to being the only single one in the group, I’m sure that’s been the case for a long while now. But with the holidays that just passed and hearing about the beautiful Tiffany necklaces, spontaneous trips to Disney Land, and all the excitement and nervousness my friends got to experience trying to pick the perfect Christmas presents for their boyfriends is making me jealous as fuck. And don’t even get me started on New Years Eve. I was, once again, left to do nothing but awkwardly stand there as the ball dropped and wait for my annoyingly adorable couple friends to kiss each other and share yet another obnoxiously romantic experience together. All I want is for someone to hold my hand, to feel comfortable bringing me around his family, to kiss me just because he feels like it, and to surprise me with cute dates. But most of all I just want someone to want to be with me, is that too much to ask? Apparently.